“Mistakes are part of success”.
We’ve all heard that before, either nodded admittingly or rolled our eyes at the tumblr quote, but of course, yes, it makes sense. We all make mistakes, how could we not?
~music: Jocelyn Flores – xxxtentation~
Making mistakes, learning of them and forgiving in inevitably part of our lives.
Reason tells me that it is perfectly fine if I mess up from time to time.
Why is it then that I feel so scared to make them? And I am not speaking of grammar mistakes in school, wrong math equation or answers. I am talking about mistakes in life; where I upset someone, hurt someone or or made the wrong choice and actions. Intentional or not doesn’t even really matter.
The more I questioned myself about this matter, the more I realized that I have no difficulties when others make mistakes to accept that, but
I mostly struggle to forgive and accept my own.
“Don’t care about what other people think about you. It doesn’t matter.”
There’s another one I want to agree with but simply cannot. I do care very much about what people think about me. It’s an unpopular opinion, but that’s the fact. I care. A lot. I want people to like me, to think I am friendly, maybe funny, helpful, kindhearted, interesting, a good person. I don’t care whether anyone likes the earrings I wear or my shoes. I couldn’t care less if someone doesn’t like my hairstyle or fashion sense.
But I am heartbroken if someone considers me a bad person.
I take every comment towards my personality incredibly to heart and as long as I don’t know that I really made it up to someone, I cannot rest.
Whether these strong emotions are reasonable or not, doesn’t even matter. I feel them. And I struggle. I simply can’t stand the thought of being in an argument with someone I care about.
I need harmony with every person, even though I know too well that that is impossible.
I need to learn to accept that if someone is angry or upset, that they usually forgive me. And when they do, I should too.
It was good to write this down.
It may seem a little overly dramatic to you the way I describe my thoughts. Which is the case, of course, descriptions of feelings and worries seem quite extreme.
I apologize if this was confusing to you, there is no deeper meaning behind any of this but my need to get these thoughts of my chest and to become more self-aware. Who knows, maybe one of you can find use in this chain of thought.
I’m out and about,
~ I will start to add the song I listened to whilst writing my posts; a song that sets the mood and captures the message I want you to understand. I feel like music is the last component to fulfill the mood on my blog. With words, photos and a song I feel like I can capture an emotion and hopefully trasnport it to you. ~
Photography: “Moody Wind” Instagram